Everything Must Go!




Last night I experienced a lot of frustration and anxiety to the point I had to put B in his room with his tablet and M on the couch with hers. M was drawing pictures for me and wanted to tell me the story she created, but my mind was stuck and I couldn't shake the desire to explode. Of course I didn't want to blow up on my babies and hurt them emotionally, so I closed my bedroom door, turned off the light and took several deep breaths to keep from crying. 

After about 5 minutes, M pushed open my door just at the anxiety subsided. At that point, I knew I wouldn't get much sleep. I put the babies to bed and showered, hoping to relax. It didn't help, 'cause I crawled in bed and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. My tears began to soak my pillow as I laid there, hot and pissed off. I was exhausted! I just wanted to sleep, so I asked God for peace or a word that would ease my mind and spirit enough to fall asleep. 

I spoke briefly with my friend Ambrea this past Sunday about tithing on our way to a meeting, so my finances were heavy on my mind. I pulled up YouTube on my phone and typed in "Sarah Jakes Roberts tithing." I've been obsessed with her sermons for a while, and knew that a word from her about my fiances was exactly what I needed.

As I began watching, I realized that the message had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! to do with finances (rolls eyes), but I was compelled to continue watching. Baabbbyyy, let me tell you that I am so thankful I did. As I stated in a my post "Winning The Battle Against Your Mind", God knows just what you need when you need it. I was looking at my funny money situation as the root of my frustrations, but it's deeper than that. This message brought some of those issues to the surface - issues I purposely buried. 

The sermon was about how Peter denied Christ and how he was still used for God's glory. It blessed a part of me I didn't know or couldn't remember existed. I don't want to go into the details of the message or share the personal issues it brought up (maybe one day I will) 'cause I want you guys to watch it for yourselves, takes notes and be blessed. 

Leave a comment if you care to share your thoughts with me!

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