You Can't Avoid the Process



This post is a bit long and personal. My boyfriend moved out on Monday...completely. Just about all of his things are gone. It was really hard watching him pack all of his clothes and electronic do-dads, but in my mind and spirit I know it was the right thing to do. We never planned to move in together, but when we did the plan was for him to get his own place once we saved money. Welp, that didn't happen. We got comfortable and made excuses and compromised when it came down to conviction. God had been telling me that we needed to be under separate roofs, but I told God that we could handle it. Did you get that?! I told God what we were going to do. I got miserable. Not with my relationship or because of Him, but because of my blatant disrespect and disobedience to God. It didn't sit right with my spirit. I was striving to be celibate. Yea, we'd go months without having sex, but being in the same bed with the man I'm in love with was pretty darn hard. So, naturally we gave in. To be honest, it wasn't even him pressuring me. Nah, it was me most of the time. It bothered me so bad, yet it wasn't enough for us to decide that he needed to move out. God got my attention and that decision was made for me and I'm glad it happened.

I love T to death. I have my moments where I want to call him to come back, but the Holy Spirit cancels that for me and I put my phone down. The past couple of days have had me in solitude. The kids are with him, and I've been able to get a little break and do some deep soul searching and thinking. I've also been able to get some work done. I finished my non-profit's website in an entire day on Tuesday. I got up at 8am yesterday and fell asleep at the computer around 11:30pm. I also cleaned my place and washed every piece of clothing I could find lol. I started my non-profit and t-shirt line in 2014. I've also picked up on my blog a bit, but at some point I got stuck. I'd pray and pray asking God to propel me into my purpose, but it just wasn't happening. Couldn't figure out why... I'd hate for Him to give the vision and purpose He gave to me to someone else all because of my disobedience.

God has our best interest at heart. He doesn't want to punish us or hold us back from fulfilling our purpose. He wants us to prosper, but how can that happen if we don't allow Him to work on us? How can we expect the businesses we work so hard to get off of the ground and other areas in our lives to grow if we can't even do the simple things he asks of us? God had been telling me that we needed to separate physically for a long time. I ignored Him because my flesh controlled me and I allowed it to. I understand now why it is important to do things God's way. Living under different roofs allows us both to get a break from the kids. Now, I know we all love our babies, but don't act funny like you don't need some down time. Man, it got rough. I'd come home from work to cook, clean and bathe the kids and fall asleep. (Not to say that he didn't do the same) I'd even try to sleep all day on my off days. Stress got the best of me. He's like the world's best dad. He works and goes to school. I couldn't ask for a better provider, but now I know that not being able to take time out for himself was hard for him too. 

We are technically still single until married, so we need  to take as much time out for God first and foremost and for ourselves. That's not to say that we can do that while having a loving relationship, but our priorities should be different that those of a married couple. God doesn't bless anything that he isn't in. I can say all day every day that I want a Godly relationship and we could be celibate too, but if we don't completely give our relationship and lives to Christ how can we expect our relationship to grow. God is working on us. I've watch Him show T favor and perform crazy miracles in his life, but picking and choosing what parts of the bible we want to follow only stunts our growth. You can't grow without spending time with God and obeying His commands 

Christ said, "I am the TRUE vine, and My Father is the vinedresser (or farmer). Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away; and every branch that bears fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit."

I was running from the process while trying to avoid the inevitable. God has a purpose for the both of us. We pray all the time together to grow in God. I've learned that He'll try to get your attention and give you chances to obey Him on your own, but at some point things would happen the hard way. Take Jonah for example. God told him to go to Nineveh and give a word to the nation. He decided to do what he wanted to do. What happened? He got on a ship and almost got others killed because of his disobedience. They tried to find other ways to save themselves but even Jonah said that they had to toss him into his own mess to save themselves. Well, they tossed him and God had him trapped in solitude in the belly of the whale (fish) until he came to his senses. Jonah listened to God's command after that (notice the command never changed) and he ended up saving an ENTIRE nation. How powerful is that?!

I guess like Jonah, T and I were destroying each other and preventing each other from growing because we were disobeying God's command. Well, here we are under separate roofs and I can already feel the pruning. Our process has begun. It may get hard some days, but I can always call and talk his ear off, lol. I may get lonely, but that just means I need to spend time with God. I'm not sure if God has destined for us to get married, but right now our focus should be on Him. I look forward to the future and becoming the woman God wants me to be.

6 comments

  1. A strong phenomenal woman. Your mom is probably smiling down at you. God got you. :-)

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    1. Awe Lena! I really appreciate that. I hope I do make her proud...

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  2. Thanks for being so transparent. I'm a single mom and probably wayyyyy older than you, lolol! God stated dealing with me about becoming a Proverbs 31 and more. I want dating, still am not bit I began to want /desire a godly relationship if it was Christ ordained so like you I took the necessary steps top she'd old habits. It's never too late to become who God predestined. Trust His timin. It can get lonely but we are never alone. I don't want anyb relationship that will ask me to compromise my faith walk. Blessings!

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    1. Blessings my sister! You are so right. I've made some terrible decisions in my past but it's never too late. I want to do things God's way even if he and I get back togethef. If not I'll be embracing my season of growth and singleness.

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    2. I'd love it if you could follow my blog :-)

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  3. Wow this is deep...

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