True Love Waits

Well, this post is going to be a bit personal. I don't mind because I know that transparency can be a blessing. Don't worry though, I won't go into details :)

My boyfriend and I became official on June 5th 2013. We were having sex up until about a little over a month ago, but we have a previous sexual history. In fact, we have a 3 year old son together. God and celibacy were NO WHERE on our minds when we got together. It wasn't until we became official that I wanted to live a Godly riglife. It was a struggle. We prayed together and studied our bibles. We made sure our kids prayed over their food and before bed. We wanted to be good Christian examples for them. The downside to all of our good intentions and practices is that we live together. I know that "shacking up" is not something that we should be doing as Christian. It could hinders other's in their walk with Christ, because they may think that it is ok and do it themselves or it could turn them away from Christianity. I always preach about setting a standard and being a good example with others who are growing in their walk with Christ. Also, I believe, the most important reason for not living with someone before marriage is because temptation hits you in the face as soon as you enter the door. Man, I'm telling ya'll... I have prayed and cried and fasted about being delivered from fornication. I GUARANTEE you it would not have been such a struggle if we didn't live together. TMI, but we would shower together, like dummies thinking we would be fine when we went to bed. We lied to ourselves saying, "it's ok to shower together and sleep naked". It was a COMPLETE FAIL. Shame on us.

I don't like to make excuses, however the reason we live together. I was homeless for a while. I stayed in a couple shelters, with friends and an ex boyfriend. When I lost my apartment I had to move in with my mom in another city so I lost my job. My car broke down and the job was over an hour away. The last shelter I was in had bed bugs and I had just given birth to Melanie. I stayed in the last shelter because I was told they could help me find housing. I noticed one person who received help, but that was she had a job and was able to save up her money. I felt helpless because I didn't have a job. When I first went to the shelter I was still pregnant, so I was fat and running around with Braylin. Melanie was maybe a week old when the bed bugs hit the scene. I wasn't having it. I called Braylin's dad (my bf) and moved in where he was staying. That situation was worse.  We didn't have utilities or hot water.

I'm not going to stress anymore details. I started working at my current job in December '12 and moved into my apartment that next May. Needless to say we moved in together. My faith has been an issue for me. I always said I wouldn't live with another boyfriend for religious reasons and because I love my space. My babies' safety, health and wellness are more important to me. There are 3 between us. I refused to have them living without necessities. 

Ok...back to the struggle. It took a lot of praying and willpower to stop having sex. We still live together, but I can honestly say that I don't desire sex. I love him. I love to kiss him and cuddle with him, but I keep my distance. I don't feel all hot and bothered when I'm next to him because I don't lust him. I LOVE him. I used to feel horrible after we slept together. I'd cry and be pissed at myself and him. He'd feel bad and think I regretted it. I don't regret him. I regretted the act of sex. Taking sex out of the relationship is helping us grow closer. It's so funny to hear people say that sex brings couples closer. That's true in a sense. Sex brings people's spirits together and that is supposed to happen only in marriage because they become one flesh. Without sex you're able to look at the relationship clearly. You're able to analyze things from every angle. God can speak to you and you're able to listen because you're mind and heart aren't clouded by sin. 

I know it is hard for him sometimes. I definitely desire to be with him and have a life lasting future with him. I just want to make sure that we were aren't driven by the lust of the flesh and eyes. We have slipped up many times, but we are determined. I want my babies to SEE what a Godly relationship looks like. I want them to know that sin is NOT the way and that there is nothing better than a blessed relationship and family.

What irritates me sometimes is when people say celibacy is pointless because we have already had sex and have a child together. People always want to throw shade by saying he will cheat or that he's lying about wanting to be celibate. I don't let that bother me. I just keep pressing towards God. I am so proud of us.

DISCLAIMER: This is MY experience with fornication and "shacking up". I would never say that since we are overcoming that it is ok to live with your significant other. If you're not living together now please stay that way until marriage. I will say that God provides us all with a way to overcome temptation. I kept waiting for him to increase our finances so that my bf could get his own place. It hasn't happened yet, but God LOVES to show out and get the glory from the most difficult situations. If you want it bad enough and trust God you will receive it.

If fornication is a struggle for you please stay encouraged and don't give up. If the person you're with doesn't want a righteous life and continues to pressure to sleep with them then drop them. They don't love you. Prayer changes things, so pray for their deliverance and have faith that it will happen.

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