Love's Silence

Silence screams sweetly in my ear. Begging me to hold back. Love is her greatest fear. She stays hunched down in a corner where it is cold and lonely. She is slowly succumbing to shadows in the darkness. Loves burden is too much to harness.

Consumed by loves painful past. The idea of someone loving her completely is too much to grasp. How is it possible to love without being loved in return. How can I give in to All when All has been my biggest adversary?

I've been told that I'm the biggest sabotage artist. I guess that's the truth. It hurts to give my best. Sometimes I listen to Silence, because she's the only friend I know. I can go to her with tears and burdens without her hitting my face with the door.

I don't have to question Silence's love and motives. She'll be there even if I hold back. I've been trained, by you, to not love whole-heartedly. It hurts me as much as it hurt you. What hurts me most is that you make me feel that I'm not worth your all regardless of what I do.

If I could rewind time and start over I honestly don't know if I'd go down the same path or choose another route. Maybe I'd listen to Silence and skip love altogether. That way I could avoid the pains of never or forever.

Sometimes wonder what it's like to receive flowers to work or a "just thinking of you" card, but then Silence reminds me that if I hold back my heart and stop expecting it the disappointment won't be so hard.

How can there be pain in a place where there should be so much joy?? They say, "Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all." How do you avoid heartache without pushing love to the limit? How would you know if it will stand the tests of time if I don't push myself?

It's not that I'm questioning love; I'm questioning my ability to keep going. I admit that listening to Silence causes me to sabotage what we have, but is it completely my fault? New love is always supposed to be better than old love.


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