Blessed "Trust"

 

The belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc. -Webster Dictionary. 

Many women have trust issues. I'll be the first to admit that I do. It's unfortunate and it makes life more difficult than it should be, but I'm working on it. I've been hurt. A LOT. I'm not saying that I've been through more than the average Joe, but based off of those I've been around since birth I can say that I've been through more than most. Trust has always been an issue with me. Excuse the transparency, but I was sexually molested by a friend of the family when I was younger. I was without my biological family until I was 21 and was told the entire time that I was not wanted. (A lie I found out) I was lied to and betrayed by friends and boyfriends. I've been left homeless without help from those I trusted to be there for me. This isn't a pity party, so I won't go on & on. Needless to say, trusting people isn't a strong suit of mine. 

Sometimes, it is hard not to drag past pains into your current relationships. It's even harder when some of that pain comes from the person you're with. You decided to stick it out and work together. Maybe they have changed and vowed to be faithful and earn your trust. Yet, for some reason that's not enough. I'm a firm believer that if you decide to make it work with someone who has hurt you, you have to, at some point learn to trust him. Otherwise, it's pointless. On the other hand, that person has to do their part. It's not enough for him to say, "I'm not cheating. Just trust me". There are things that your partner has to do to rebuild the trust that they lost. It should be a tag team effort. 

The reason you were cheated on is sort of irrelevant, especially if you know the reason already. I'm assuming that you've already talked about it. Now it's time to move forward. Now you have to analyze the relationship and decide if it is worth the fight to keep it together. Your significant other has a job to do to earn your trust back. The point is, they cheated. They have to make you feel secure. They have to give you reason to trust them. I'm not saying you have to keep tabs of their every move or check messages and emails, but it's not ok to not respond to normal messages or phone calls for no reason and have your mind wandering. I feel like, if you have an issues concerning the trust they should definitely be reassuring you that you have nothing to worry about. If you are really trying to trust them they have to do their part. 



Their is a flip side to learning to trust again. Ladies, I know we love to tell our men that since it's his fault he has to do the work. He needs to be perfect. He can't make any mistakes. While I sometimes share that exact sentiment, it's not fair. If our man is trying his hardest and is doing everything right we have to at some point recognize the change in him. If you don't want to recognize that he is acknowledging his mistakes and trying to prevent them in the future how likely do you think he'll be to keep trying?

No man is ok with trying to earn your trust while being accused of something he isn't doing. It's understandable that you're hurt and working towards trusting him, but don't go through his phone and read his emails and accusing him of everything under the sun. Trust me, it will definitely set the relationship back. I do believe that once you are in a deep committed relationship that there are no secrets. On the other hand, it's not ok to constantly invade your mans privacy. If an issue or concern arises then ok. Deal with that how you must, but don't go looking for trouble. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "what you go looking for you will find." That is absolutely TRUE. I've gone through my boyfriends phone, and while I didn't find anything incriminating that suggested he was cheating, a phone number or message triggered an unnecessary response that led to a pointless argument. 

"For as he thinks in his heart, so is he." - Proverbs 23:7. What you think of will definitely be magnified. If you go through your day worrying and stressing wondering if he's cheating or talking to someone else it will manifest with words. You'll always have those thoughts. How can a man compete with what 's in your heart? If you are emotionally led are are making decisions based off of what you feel and what you conjured up in your head how will your man have room to grow and earn your trust? He'll be fighting an uphill battle. 

I'm a Christian. I'm not perfect and it's crazy how when my boyfriend and I go through something my issues are magnified. I'll go about nagging at him and God magnifies my issues and faults. It's mind-blowing and I am grateful for it. It makes me want to work harder. I find myself being a hypocrite at times. I want him to work hard and fix things and change, but what am I doing? I admit that I'm not working as hard I expect him to work. The past few days have been an eye opener for me. Luke 6:37 "Judge not, and you shall not be judges. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven..." 

I want so much more for my relationship. I want a prosperous future. I'm learning ways to overcome my fear, because if he and I don't last I don't want to take my trust issues into the next relationship and friendships. The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. Clichè, but true. God reveals to me my faults and I can no longer be in denial about them. If an issues of trust aries you should ask yourself a couple things. What about the issue reminds of you of the past? Is there any evidence that the  past even will happen again. Many time we will let our emotions get us tripped out to where to don't realize that there isn't even a sign of cheating. Maybe something said or seen will trigger that emotional response. 

Don't be driven by words. Your man might mean it all when he says you can trust him and he's doing nothing wrong, but actions always speak louder than words. If his actions don't match what comes out of his mouth than the words alone aren't enough. If he can't SHOW you that you can trust him you have every reason NOT to. If you're unsure of something he said or did you shouldn't be afraid to talk to him about it and he shouldn't be defensive. Don't assume that something is off, but there is nothing wrong with voicing your concern. 



Most importantly, have trust and faith in God as well as yourself. Know that God created you perfectly and has your best interests at heart. Know that you are wonderfully and beautifully made and that your man has every reason to be faithful. Be confident and bold. If you are cheated on know that it isn't your fault. Make sure your relationship emulates a godly one and God will bless it. Regardless of the outcome of your relationship make a conscious decision to be happy and content.

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