Alone and on a Mission

Hey guys... I can't believe that my last post was almost a month ago, wow!! I've been going though a...funk. Lately, I've been feeling alone. I know that loneliness comes from not having enough of God and I'm working on that. On the other hand I don't have any close friends that I have constant access to. I haven't talked to my friend Quae in a lil while and she lives about 40 minutes away. We both work during the week and on weekends my off time is devoted to my babies. I have another friend who doesn't live too far from me but we have different schedules that don't really allow us to spend time together. We are both mothers of 2 and besides work, motherhood takes up a lot of time. Sometimes I wish I had a close SMALL circle of girlfriends to laugh, share and spend time with.

My boyfriend just downloaded the complete seasons of the show "Girlfriends" for me. I don't exactly want girlfriends that match their personalities, but I do want some that are just as close. I want us to share secrets and keep them amongst ourselves. It's very hard to trust females because I didn't always use to be a good friend and I've had females do me wrong. I pray that God send me those who have my best interest at heart and who uplift me and push me to do great things. I also pray to God for contentment, because as painful at this season of being alone is sometimes I know I need it.

I don't mean that I am lonely. I do have a wonderful supportive boyfriend who is my best friend. I love him and our babies, but sometimes I want to get away with my girls and go to the movies and eat. I tell him a lot of stuff, but there are things and feelings I only feel comfortable telling a female. Sorry Babe!! Love you :-) Along with learning to be content in this season, which seems to be very LONG lol, I'm learning to use that time to do things for myself. I don't ever have the extra money to spend on myself, but lately my weight have become an issue. I've been struggling with mustering up the energy and will to lose weight.

This morning I was making my lunch for work and I decided that instead of complaining about not having anything to do or anywhere to go that I will use my free time to run to lose weight. I'm going to cancel my gym membership and run. Travell (the boo) found a park with a nice trail that I can run at in the mornings. He can even go with me and bring the babies. I'm so tired of being motivated one minute and then giving up the next. I look at weight lost blog and forums EVERY day and it does absolutely nothing for me, of course. I not only want to LOOK good, but I want to FEEL good. I love hearing my son say that I am pretty or he loves my clothes and the way I look. I appreciate my boyfriend for loving me the way I am. He says I don't need to change anything, HOWEVER he has a nice body and doesn't have to worry about lugging around a lot of extra weight lol.

Anyhoo, my weight loss has been a constant rollercoster. Either I don't have the money to buy the healthy foods I need, or I don't want to work out. Let's pray that by my birthday (Oct. 16th) I will have lost 20lbs...

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